Elbow Grease: The great homemade mayo attempt

 Hello everyone!

The last time we touched base was during the quarantine sourdough baking times. I've since made another loaf or two, as well as sourdough potato rolls. Alas, there's only so much bread you can eat..

Recently, the mayo jar was emptied and I couldn't be bothered to go to the grocery store to simply get another jar. Why not attempt making it? I have a friend who shudders at the thought of Kraft mayo, because, growing up, she was spoiled by the presence of a Danish grandmother who made her own mayonnaise. 

I rolled up my sleeves and gave it a go. From Sticky Fingers to Elbow Grease, it's like that song we sang as kids - hand bone's connected to the arm bone! 

Attempt #1: Use the first recipe from the Google search results, published by Chatelaine. Sounded easy enough: egg yolk, lemon juice, Dijon, salt, olive oil. Whisk the egg yolk first, then add the rest of the ingredients and whisk away.

Result: mayonnaise soup. It looked like I'd mass reproduced liquid egg yolks, because the whole concoction was yellow. Also guessing that the emulsification didn't quite take place.

Looks like custard? (No filters used here)

Also of note: do not use olive oil from those large jugs bought at Costco. It contributed to the yellow colour of the "mayo", and also made it taste like economy olive oil. It was all I had to use for a quick potato salad; however, after a couple of days in the fridge, I couldn't find any dressing coating the cubed spuds. It's like it slowly dissolved.

Attempt #2: Find another recipe that suggests using a neutral oil like grapeseed, canola, or safflower oil. Half can be substituted out for olive oil. This time around, I had a lighter, fruitier olive oil, so hopefully no overpowering taste.

Signs of potential failure: the randomly found, half-used bottle of grapeseed oil squatting on the counter next to the stove emits this old oil smell when I open it. I taste it, and it tastes alright (does a neutral oil taste like anything??), so I start whisking away. And keep whisking....

The new recipe mentions the mix thickening and starting to emulsify when approximately 1/4 cup of oil is whisked in.

...really? Looks like I've got a liquid mess on my hands, with the appearance and consistency of watered down orange juice. Serves me right for doubting my nose! 

Result: Abort! Abort! 

Attempt #3: Use same recipe (from here), have canola oil along with olive oil. Again, it looks like the same runny mess with about 1/4 cup of the oil mixed in, but when I start to pour it out, I notice it indeed looks creamier. Third time's the charm, go time!

What no one ever tells you when making homemade mayo by hand: you have to go at a Tasmanian Devil-type frenzy with the whisk to start getting the emulsification. This goes on for much longer than you think. 

What no one tells you, part 2: whisking doesn't necessarily mean going around in circles. Rapid zigzagging works as well. 

Still worrying a bit about the mixture all coming together, the recipe's troubleshooting section has a few suggestions, like mixing in a squirt of yellow mustard to help it along.

Don't knock that mustard idea until you try it. It works! And, the mayo gets a bit of a tangier taste.

Result: Does it look creamy enough?

Answer: Yes!

**Story time: after my first year in university, I'd gone on a trip to visit the southwest of France in July that year. On a beautiful summer evening, we gorged on mussels and fries. Slightly surprisingly, the waiter plopped squirt bottles of mayo on the table, and it came out a creamy, slightly yellow colour; not cloyingly sweet, and delightful with French fries. We were proud our party of 5 emptied 1 of the bottles.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the Atlantic, Kraft's mayo has an anti-gravity consistency that could rival a Dairy Queen Blizzard treat.

This 3rd attempt looks creamy, has a hint of a mustard taste...I'll take the win and run. 

Signs you're relieved at making some successful mayo: you start licking it out of the bowl after scooping most of it in a jar.

After a couple of nights in the fridge, the mayo still has a nice consistency. 

The taste test: make a BLT toast and lay the condiment on thick. The creaminess is still there, and the slight tang from the mustard also comes through.

Conclusion: is house mayo worth it? 100%. It's pretty cost-effective in terms of ingredients...BUT, from now on, I'm going to use the food processor. I got a workout from the hand whisking.