Like I said in a previous post, GORUCK is bad for me: going off of coffee for a week leading up to an HTL; signing up for other events to fill my calendar, and dropping even more dollars on GORUCK branded gear and patches.
...but hey, it's better than doing drugs, right? Also, people wonder why I don't take a week's vacation, probably because I chose to buy another t-shirt. "Wait, I don't have the grey version of this one..."
I read a great blog post by blogger extraordinaire, Solo, and how pretty much all the race recaps are the same. That being said, I'm going to write a different AAR here while trying to maintain somewhat of a recap.
I will start off by quoting the Almighty Christopher Acord and his Sacred Bearded Wisdom:
"I showed up at ....... parking was ....... registration was .....
Start was....... obstacle 1 was........ obstacle 2-xxx was........ festival was......... Merch was ........ finished medals were........ swag was......... I rate it a ....... out of ten."
So if I were to fill in the blanks with the HTL kicking off on Thursday, March 15 -
- I showed up at... 5:30pm on Thursday
- Parking was...in a grassy flat area
- Registration was...months ago using a discount code, because who doesn't love a discount?
- Start was...6:00pm
- Obstacle 1 was...lining up in formation - two ranks - by last name alphabetically. Laugh all you want, Cadre still roast people for not lining up properly. Back to kindergarten we go.
- Obstacle 2-xxx was...carrying heavy things like each other, bear crawls, imagining a box of sand was a pot of gold, dealing with dropped bags of dog food..
(*GORUCK has made every event class do community service, so for the Heavy everyone donated a bag of pet food to be brought to the local Meals on Wheels. Of course, we spent 12 hours doing other things before community service, including dropping the pet food)
- Festival was...what festival? There's no festival during a 24 hour Heavy, except multiple suckfests.
- Merch was...nonexistent.
- Finished medals were...none, because there are no medals at GORUCK events
- Swag was...GORUCK makes nice swag. Can't you see us all wearing the same pants? And rucksacks? It's not a cult, I swear!
- I rate it a....9 out of ten
Gee, Solo's right. That's pretty boring.
My first After Action Report written after my Toronto HTL events was something of a bullet list of thoughts and/or realizations that occurred during the whole ordeal, so let's try that.
A nor'easter had made it snow enough to delay my flight leaving Montreal, meaning I got re-routed a couple of times.
Getting delayed, re-routed and last-minute flight switched earns me a voucher for food either in Toronto-Pearson airport, or on-flight.
Opting for a quick bite in the form of a sandwich, the offering from the place called Upper Crust feels like I'm eating a flip-flop with Dijon mustard on it.
No human should be put on 3 small flights in the same day; I felt my feet and lower legs swelling up. Also, be absolutely insistent on tracking your luggage. (Thanks Mom for the tip!) I got mine the next day, maybe 2 hours before the start of the whole HTL weekend.
The most noticeable items on the luggage pickup conveyer belt in Savannah? Bags of golf clubs.
The baggage service counter for the airline hands out small toiletry kits for those whose luggage did not arrive with them. It's got some nice Kiehl's products, none of which include shower gel or soap, interestingly enough. I'm guessing I'm supposed to seal up all of my sweat and B.O under a layer of the provided tiny stick anti-perspirant until I get to a proper shower.
The nice lady working said service counter shoots me a slightly horrified look when I tell her I woke up to 4 inches of snow.
I find that I have 1 green t-shirt that I can wear for the St Paddy's theme. The other green shirt says, "Yes my ass is fat enough" - it's a finisher shirt from the Fat Ass Trail Run - so I do not need to be cannon fodder for Cadre, no thank you. I'll keep my fat ass to myself.
** GORUCK 24 hour Heavy - March 15 6:00pm start
Cadre JC, Cadre Heath, Cadre Josh Roony, special guest Cadre Joel
Nothing quite like the horrible realization when putting on socks for the event, and I see I haven't cut my toenails.
Besides Solo - GRT's are perhaps the best huggers.
Not far from the start point, we get introduced to the heavy things we get to carry, some for the next two days: 2 metal pipes called tie-bars; empty wooden supply crates that will be filled with "gold"; concrete parking curbs (just carrying one slowed the class down too much...hey those things weigh 245 pounds). Oh, and what looks to be a large chain for an anchor, or a boat towing chain. Cadre Heath will eventually baptize it "The Chain of Death".
Why are they called 'coupons', anyway? They don't save anything!
Welcome party started off with a team pull-up challenge, followed by PT that seemed to have been inspired by National Geographic. Bear crawls, crab crawls - standard enough, but when Cadre calls out 'Walrus', you sort of wonder if they've been watching too many nature documentaries.
No, it wasn't the happy "Goo goo g'joob" Beatles' walrus, although I did yell it out once. Hey, it's fun! Imagine if Leonidas had not said "This is Sparta!" but "GOO GOO G'JOOB!" instead? (Ok there may be copyright infringement here)
Fact: doing the walrus hurts the face and the whole front end, especially because I keep landing on my hydration valve that's mounted on the right rucksack strap. I think I dented a pectoral muscle!
If you thought inchworms were bad enough, Cadre omit the "inch" part and we're left with the worm. A couple of friends who are shadowing are laughing hysterically as we thrash and flail on the ground.
"Mmmm, dirt..." "We paid for this?!?"
Cadre also think it's fun to run with a chain and pretend it's a pet.
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| In my case, it looks like I'm pooping the chain out |
We do the standard PT test in a park, and I suck at the sit-up part again (last time being in July 2017). While we do the 12-mile ruck march as a team, we end up beaver-watching because there is nothing else for our minds to do to stay awake.
Two metallic bangs sound out somewhere in the distance and a class member casually remarks, "That was probably a murder right there.." Wait, what? I'm in Georgia for the peach cobbler!
Lesson from Toronto HTL 2017 - pack Vaseline, because chafing sneaks up really quickly when you least expect it. Also, something in the Savannah air was seriously making my lips chapped, so another reason to bring some along.
We also find out that in Savannah, we can be considered sex offenders for exposing ourselves in public! This makes us a bit wary when it comes to pit stops because we rarely have the luxury of using public bathrooms.
Savannah is also an open container city, like Las Vegas - it's ok to stroll downtown with a drink in hand.
The supply crates that we have to imagine are pots of gold are filled at times with rocks, sand, and/or the Chain of Death. They also bash into our lower legs as we move along, so I'm looking forward to the bruising that will make my legs look like camo print.
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| Do not catch this leprechaun...you do not want his pot of gold |
Sun is up and we drop off the pet food at Meals on Wheels, refill on water and snacks the volunteers hand out, then go to another park for a second PT test, that involves at least 100 burpees, and a 1 mile loop to run, more than once.
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| Buck Furpees |
Pack a lot of salt pills, more than you think, because someone else probably needs one. Electrolytes are necessary, especially because it's getting warmer and the sun's out. (I'm not a fan of mixing powdered electrolytes in my hydration bladder mainly because I find the taste lingers; the last time I tried tossing my Skratch Labs mix in my bladder while on the move, somehow I didn't close it properly and it leaked on me as I was doing bear crawls.)
I'm hoping maybe I inspired that little girl to be physically fit.
Or maybe I convinced her that people do stupid things, like burpees, in the morning for no real reason.
Me with my short hair, cap on, and dressed for GORUCK (see burpee picture) = someone mistakenly thinks I'm a male going into the ladies' room.
Cadre then send us out on a scavenger hunt to find 36 St. Patrick's Day beads and associated items near downtown Savannah. While most of us return with beads, others have scored shamrock-shaped glasses; shamrock headbands; reusable green plastic beer cups, and a green crayon. (Cadre Heath laughs when I tell him this later on)
What honestly goes through my mind during a Heavy:
"Am I hydrated enough?"
"What colour am I peeing?"
Jokes aside, I've heard stories of colleagues having to med drop due to dehydration, or rhabdo in one case. Nope, don't want to go there.
Actual conversation between Cadre JC and the class:
Cadre: "Ok, you have a choice: you can either choose to re-do the sit-up test here, and everybody has to meet the standard, or you can go and submerge-"
Everyone: "SUBMERGE! SUBMERGE!"
I gather everyone dreaded the sit-up test so much that we were just about willing to submerge ourselves in molten lava, or perhaps jellyfish-infested water.
Earlier, I'd ditched the idea of packing a windbreaker for the cooler overnight temps, because it's another thing that takes up space and hey, I live in Canada! I can deal with cold!
...except after we get wet and the afternoon is winding down. Now I'm a wet, cold Canadian, shivering like everyone else.
Even if everything else is soaking wet, just changing into dry socks is an awesome feeling. Always have multiple changes of socks.
Guest Cadre Joel gets the class into high gear to earn another pot of "gold" by doing tunnel of love as fast as we can. At least there's no dog poop hidden in the grass this time.
Endex PT has us running all together in a two line formation (aka the GRT Stampede). Just when we thought we had nothing left in the tank, well clearly we could still run. And run. Good lesson there from Cadre, the weakest muscle is between your ears.
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| Bracing for mayhem...& we look great! |
&&& I still have all of my toenails.
Also, not a great idea to test a new setup for ruck plates on EVENT DAY...when I myself have said to people, don't try anything new on event day. Yup, I'm a hypocrite. Basically, I had two different sized plates that I thought I'd secured well enough, but with all the movement and bumping along, they eventually wound up at the bottom of the rucksack, or halfway down.
3 hours later, it's time for...
**GORUCK Tough - 12 hours, Friday March 16 9pm start
My first Tough was with Cadre JC and I know it won't be easy because he seems to turn up the heat on the PT part. Yelling while running full tilt is surprisingly draining.
Also, Cadre always have eyes and ears on everything that's going on. JC picks up on too many of us HTLers trying to sandbag the event - PT follows and oh hey call 911, it's a 3 alarm fire! See those 20 people on the ground with smoke coming off of them? And guess what, they happen to have plopped themselves down on burr seeds, or "stickers", and now they have stickers all on their clothes. (Ouch!)
Surprise! Let's add a log that needs 6 people to carry it!
There was 1 point during the overnight where I was in a fuzzy, borderline sleep mode, barely aware that someone was talking to me. Carrying something in my hands wakes me up a bit. Strangely enough, I didn't hallucinate...the only time I saw things was when I did the Fort Bragg Heavy and I imagined little figures wearing black hooded robes standing next to Cadre.
To quote my buddy Randy (who is a two-time Boston Marathon finisher!), what I learned during this second overnight: next time, maybe don't sign up for an HTL in mid-March when it's literally right after daylight savings time.
Keep awake by being a chatterbox. Talk to people. It can sound meaningless but it gives your brain something to do. The first person I tried talking to gives 1 word answers and is completely out of it, basically sleepwalking and I hope he doesn't fall on his face.
I found out during the Heavy that 1 of the class members likes hamburgers. You also bond with people when you're both motivated by food - doughnuts. Panda Express. Fried chicken.
I've said before that I DJ songs in my head to keep going. Some past songs have been questionable (54-40, perhaps - but it's whatever song pops up and stays), thankfully for this weekend it's a snippet of my current playlist:
House on Fire - Rise Against
Lost Cause - Black Pistol Fire
Can We Hang On - Cold War Kids
Holding heavy and awkward (read: not balanced) items overhead is awful, and even worse when it's probably after 11:30pm; the whole time Cadre are reading us a very long riot act, which makes it feel like eons.
Do NOT ask Cadre to use a shopping cart...after 1 short-sighted class member saw one and asked, sure we were allowed to put some heavy things in there but we're then informed that the wheels didn't work, so we got stuck carrying it.
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| NOT. COOL. |
Baseball adapted for a GORUCK event is not "Take Me Out to the Ball Game", except rooting for the home team. Too bad we can't bat flip.
A class member who didn't eat enough after the Heavy is bonking. It is a slightly scary scenario because it looks like she could fall over at any given second. Thankfully, the significant other keeps feeding her Snickers throughout the night. "You're not you when you're hungry..."
Some St Paddy's trivia Cadre quizzed us on:
- Saint Patrick died on March 17 at the age of 40.
- First brewery in Ireland: Smithwick's, 1710.
- Guinness was the second brewery in Ireland, 1759, and its founder eventually signed a 9,000 year lease.
- drinking on St Patrick's Day was not a tradition, however the Americans started it.
Someone answers wrong and guess what - whatever's in our hands or on our backs has to go back up overhead. It feels a little less sucktastic, maybe because it's daylight now.
Myself and my HTL buddy, Alicia, happen to be carrying one of the 25+lb metal tie-bars. Moaning and groaning is aplenty; my friend Suzanne (who can hold weight overhead like a boss) is shouting out encouragement.
I try to be helpful too, by sharing a bit of wisdom gleaned from a body weight workshop:
"SQUEEZE YOUR ASS!"
Of course I yell it out when everyone else is quiet. Cadre Heath helps out a bit by adding, "It supports the core, right?"
We shuffle back to start point, where more running awaits us.
Always look cool
I'm not sure exactly what's happening with me, but maybe due to all the yelling and/or exertion, I can't gulp water as much as I'd like to and have to slowly sip it. I feel like a boa constrictor that's just eaten a bus.
After we get patched, count 'em - 10 toenails, no blisters!
Another closing thought after the Tough - if layering, make sure the first layer is long enough to tuck in your pants. (I do this to avoid ruck chafing) I grabbed the wrong tech longsleeve and any movement untucks the shirt, which gets distracting at times.
My friends who are pit crewing show up with coffee and doughnuts!!! BOOYAH!
**GORUCK Light - approx. 4 hours, March 17 2pm
Cadre want to test the laws of gravity with the 4 sandboxes by having us 20 HTLers overhead press and squat them repeatedly, while the Light class is undergoing admin and gear inspection. Unless we're on the moon, I think gravity is still the same, but don't tell Cadre that.
Cadre, true to form, have played leprechauns by scattering gold coins (chocolate ones) in a select area and have us bear crawling to hunt for them. This could also be a great idea for Easter egg hunts.
We end up back at the park where the Heavy class did the 12-miler; it is very different in the daylight. No beavers spotted this time around, though.
The class gets divided into 4 teams and are seeded much like NCAA March Madness. Cadre have 2 teams face off against each other and we're wondering if it's basketball, or baseball...
Out come two boxes of Lucky Charms.
The rules of the Lucky Charms team chowdown: 1 - no drinking during; 2 - we cannot eat out of our own hands. Also, avoid spilling cereal all over the ground.
I get kind of excited as I've never been part of an eating contest in a GORUCK event - I've seen a couple on Facebook live - plus I still eat sugary cereal (on rare occasions) with no milk. (Soggy Froot Loops? Hell no!)
How to break down social barriers in an instant? Eat dry cereal out of someone else's hands, and greedily lick up all the bits that remain - we're friends now!
My team does not win and the remaining two teams duel it out by eating more Lucky Charms. I'm kind of glad Cadre didn't pull out the family-sized boxes because I'm sure we'd still be eating it by now.
Cue: attack of the sandflies. No amount of bug spray saves us.
Anyone who is elected to be team leader and assistant team leader is asked to speak with an Irish accent. However, an Alabama accent overrides all of this. Someone else tries her very best but all that successfully comes out with a hint of an accent is "Cheerio!"
The ammo boxes overflowing with sand are heavy, but make for a good way to figure out teamwork in a hurry - even if it's carrying it for 20 steps to give some others a rest, so be it.
Eventually, we end up back at start point and the HTLers are taken on a bonus loop to drop off the sandboxes. I get casualty carried again, on the way back, because being a small person almost automatically means being the first designated casualty carry. Story of my HTL weekend.
Then 20-strong HTL class gets some extra Good Livin' while the Light class gets patched. It's very encouraging when chants of "H-T-L! H-T-L!" are heard during push-ups.
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| Smiles for miles (l-r Cadre JC, myself, Cadre Heath, Cadre Roony) |
So why did I rate this a 9 on 10 earlier? I'm not sure if I'll ever give a 10/10 because that could mean "BEST EVENT EVERRR!!!" I know myself: I'm still learning how to be a good GRT and how to contribute to my team's success, so I may never be completely satisfied with myself afterwards.
Perfect ending to this Savannah experience - I get my fried chicken fix at the airport before I leave for home. But, I know I have to come back, because I need to try some peach cobbler, and Vidalia onions. Until then!
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